A few years ago, I was in a toxic relationship for multiple years. I lost myself and my identity. While in crisis mode I attempted suicide and failed. But what I found was I age regressed back to about 5 years old. I was a child, all I could do was color in coloring books. I took some pictures with my phone and colored.
Part of recovery was to see a therapist and psychiatrist. I did everything they asked me to do and I was able to slowly heal. During the time of healing I found the roots to most of my traumas, thanks to my therapist. We worked diligently to get the bottom of it all.
Slowly I began to see hope, then my voice. I started standing up for myself in my not so romantic relationship. I started to feel again, I worked with my inner children whom I have grown to love and cherish. I vowed to them that I would never let anyone hurt them again
When the time came, I stepped into the light and broke up with the ex. It was very surreal, I was in awe of how calm and relaxed I was. Of course, I was nervous, it’s never a good time to break up with someone but in this case, it was the perfect time.
My ex asked me, are you willing to continue to work on us, and my response was no. In that very moment I realized how much I matter, how much my inner children matter. We had 2 amazing dogs and if you knew me, you would know how much dogs mean to me, I had to think about me and my well-being. Devastated I had to leave them but knowing that they served their soul’s purpose for me and I to them.
It was a very challenging time and over the course of the following year, I began to heal from those wounds as well. I can now say that I truly love myself inside and out. To grow through what I did over the past 4 years and to be where I am today, it’s all because I love myself. I am beyond grateful for my ex and our experiences, because without them I wouldn’t be in the position I am in today, blessed.
Thank you for allowing me to share just a snippet of my story to self-love.
-Jen, Maine
All Love Letters’ are pristine, posted as they were received. Please forgive any spelling and grammar issues, since the writing was done in the throes of love, and sometimes love doesn’t care about commas or misplaced letters.
